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The Muppet Movie 1979 Aired on CBS (May 22, 1984) Part 1
(Somewhere, at a movie studio, a statue on top of a World Wide Studios sign spins the stone globe while many people go about their business as a car with the driver and a pug-like fashion nears the gate keeper) * Statler: (looks at him) I'm Statler. * Waldorf: I'm Waldorf. We're here to heckle The Muppet Movie. * Gate Keeper: Gentlemen, that's straight ahead. (points) Private screening room D. * Statler: Private screening? * Waldorf: (nods) Yes, they're afraid to show it in public. * (The two laugh as they drive off, looking at the people heading to their sets) * Statler: Ah, look at this place. What a dump! * Waldorf: A bunch of weirdos around here. Look at him! * (Inside the theater, Miss Piggy is speaking to her friends until a blue monster comes to her) * Voice: Hey ladies, is this seat taken? * (The monster, Doglion, lifts the chair and leaves with it) * Miss Piggy: (frustratedly) Hey, you! Hey! Put that back! * (At the front row, Fozzie looks at Bunsen) * Fozzie: Oh, I'm so hesitant. If I'm not funny, I won't be able to live with myself. * Bunsen: Well, then you'll have to get another apartment, won't you? * (Dr. Teeth, in one row, speaks with Crazy Harry) * Dr. Teeth: You know, I hear this movie is dynamite. * (Then, Crazy Harry incidentally pulls the plunger, then it explodes, alarming the resident scientist in the front) * Beaker: Meh!!! * (Dr. Teeth laughs while Beaker frowns. In another row, Scooter is selling some snacks) * Scooter: Popcorn, get your fresh organic popcorn! Only a buck! * Janice: Won't you buy me some, please? * Floyd: Oh, sure, momma, nothing's too good for my woman. * Animal: WOMAN! WOMAN!! * (He keeps shouting while incidentally knocking down Scooter) * Scooter: Ow! * (At the back row, a dancer spins past around the pug-like fashion) * Statler: Well, I like this movie fine so hard. * Waldorf: It hasn't started yet. * Statler: That's what I like about it! * (The dancer continues spinning around. With Lew Zealand, he is laughing as he is tossing some fish) * Lew: Do it! He-he-he! * (Then, the dancer is hit as Lew continues laughing. Just then, Lew sees Kermit coming in) * Lew: Hey, Mr. Defrog! Is it alright for me and my boomerang fish (grabs the fish back) to be in your movie? * Kermit: I warned you, Lew. Not in the movie or at the screening. * Lew: Hey, but watch! * (He tosses one into the air as Kermit, sighing, passes behind him. Then, Sam the Eagle, clears his throat as he speaks to him) * Sam: Uh, Kermit, does this film has socially redeeming value? * (Then he feels a paper airplane hitting his side of his fur) * Kermit: Well, I-I certainly hope so, Sam. I'm sorry about that. * (Then he walks off until he sees Miss Piggy waving to him) * Miss Piggy: Hey, Kermie! Kermie! * (Kermit stops and grins to her) * Kermit: Oh, hi, Piggy. * (Then he walks off) * Miss Piggy: Kermie, I'm glad saved you a seat, but somebody took it. * (Then Kermit goes to the front row, turning to everyone as he speaks) * Kermit: Hi, everybody, and welcome to the first screening of The Muppet Movie! * (The audience cheers as Kermit continues) * Kermit: But before we begin, I'd like to thank everyone who contributed to this film starting with the little people from the hairdressers to special effects. * (Then, Crazy Harry explodes once more) * Beaker: MEH!! * (Mr. Teeth and Animal laugh while Kermit moans) * Kermit: That's enough of that, Harry! * (They continue laughing as Animal shouts) * Animal: WOMAN! WOMAN!! * Kermit: Ahem... (to everyone) to the costume designers, to the prop makers----- * Miss Piggy: Hey, Kermie! Kermie! * (Then he looks at Miss Piggy as she speaks) * Miss Piggy: Speeches are not necessary, darling. Roll the film. * Kermit: Yeah, but I'd like to thank everybody for all their hard work and their patience and their-- * Animal: (jumping up and down) ROLL FILM!! ROLL FILM!!! * (Kermit just sighs as some of them shouts the same fact) * Kermit: Roll film! * (Then Kermit heads to his seat as there are whispers and silences while the room becomes dark and the film is about to begin. As it does so, Kermit heads to an empty seat next to where Robin is sitting) * Kermit: Excuse me. * (Then he sits on the seat between Robin and Scooter) * Robin: Uncle Kermit? * Kermit: Yes? * Robin: Is this about how the Muppets really got started? * Kermit: Well, it's sort of approximately how it happened. * (Then he sits down as the film starts up) * Audience: Csendes!